


you drain out all the shit that used to feel right

by patchworklove (orphan_account)



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Sad Ending, Trans Brendon Urie, Trans Male Brendon Urie, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 02:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20323348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/patchworklove
Summary: brendon still thinks about ryan





	you drain out all the shit that used to feel right

**Author's Note:**

> got really sad and needed to vent a little

being with ryan ross was the world’s best feeling until it wasn’t anymore. ryan never made time for him, and whenever brendon got upset, sometimes it felt like ryan didn’t care about him anymore.

people would always tell them it wouldn’t work out because they’re almost 2,000 miles away from each other, and brendon knew he should have listened to them. 

he doesn’t know if he’ll get over this, because it’s been months and he still hasn’t gotten over it. sure, he’s upset with ryan and has him blocked everywhere, but he doesn’t know if he’ll get over being alone again.

he spent a year and a half being in love with ryan, he doesn’t know if anyone else will love him the way ryan used to.

brendon had big plans for finally meeting ryan when he graduated, and for those plans to fall through just made brendon’s heart ache. so much for being soulmates.

a friend of his told him that ryan had called him toxic, and although he wanted to slap that friend for even bringing ryan up, he didn’t. because he was focusing on what ryan had said about him.

yeah, there’s definitely things that brendon could’ve said better or not have said at all, but for ryan to call him toxic? that hurt. 

in the last few months of their relationship, brendon would always have to say hello first, and their conversations got shorter and shorter as ryan got “busier.” calling him out on it just made ryan upset.

brendon wishes he could forget him, and go back to a life without knowing who ryan was. but that brendon was sad and confused, about his gender and sexuality, and he had no friends. 

he knows he’ll never forget no matter how hard he could try, as ryan was pretty much his first love. 

as for now, he just has to learn how to heal and recover.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks
> 
> tumblr: sudden-sky


End file.
